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I'm in pain and I don't even know why.
It's not a sickness neither which can be fought with antibiotics and pills,
Nor is it a wound which could be stitched and sowed.


But there is blood, so much of it.
So much pain and you're without a physical scratch,
This pain is not visible. 


Get drunk, get wasted.

Get high, get shitfaced. 


Let the drugs melt your buggered world you live in.
Let it make believe that your tattered heart still beats for a make-believe fairy-tale.

I don't know why I never did it earlier. But you know what. I don't see the a reason to not lie anymore, not just show a face to everyone that is fake and untrue. I am an actor, and I shall let the world be my stage of the biggest farce that I am to pull. My life, happiness. 


Other than that. The distance of which I am going to put in between myself and those that care for me is going to be vast. I am want to disappear. I want to kill this caring self of mine. It gives me too much pain it's unbearable. Truly, and truthfully. I'm going to start this and it will not finish until I go onto my knees into tears and thank the person that saves me.

From my own fuckin' self.